Everyone and anyone who has all three (Marriage, Children &
Finances) realizes that they all have there challenges. You meet
someone cool and enjoy being around them, you two love each other
so much that the next natural step would be to get married:-)
Marriage is awesome it's actually an extension of dating but now
you legally get to play house:-) all fun.
Next step if you are both on the same page is children - now I didn't say finances because it is ridiculous to wait and save for having children, you will see right away that you can never have enough money for children unless you are independently wealthy and even then children do not understand the value of money or the power it has, thats something they eventually learn from the parent. All children want is your love, time and attention, so please if possible don't wait (but also don't be stupid/selfish you need to have some form of legitimate income and I do not mean government assistance) because children are beautiful, fun and enhance your life in such a wonderful way it can not be explained, it must be experienced.
So children come on board and it's all gravy and everything you both wanted........well not exactly.
That page you both were on starts to tear. What happens is a major disconnect. When the babies start coming everything changes, along with the lack of experience and learning involved comes tiredness, not enough time, financial strains, misunderstandings and non-communication which can lead to other situations that negatively breakdown the foundation that was built up to this point.
For the man - his wife is no longer desirable, shes always tired or cranky (bitchy), he feels neglected, forgotten and unappreciated.
For the women - her husband does not help enough, he's non-sympathetic, does not look at her the way he use to, courting has ceased to exist, no more compliments, she feels neglected, lonely and unattractive
Now remember, everything up until this point is what they both wanted and love their offspring dearly, the children are not the problem and never will be.
So I ask this of the community, what should be the next step for
this couple? counseling? what if things have gotten to the point
of disresptectful, embarrassing behavior, humiliating verbal
exchanges or just plain co-existing under the same roof like
Do they have a chance? is it better to just cut your loses and realize that you've grown apart in different directions and may want different things even though it hasn't been said? is it possible to fall out of love with someone so quickly?
Biggest and most important question, do you stay together for the sake of the children?
Waiting for your responses.
You get to kiss her goodnight.
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
You get to have sex but only when
she wants to and only in the missionary position.
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
You find yourself a Mistress.
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing
is ever going to happen.
Meet her parents.
Set the date of the wedding.
You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
You get to buy her and her girl friend s a real expensive dinner.
You get to pay her rent.
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in
the back of her car.
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her
two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her sister's boy friend and his
three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
You will have to spend all your money to impress
You will take a loan to keep the image
Third Date :
Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Both of you are shot dead for dishonoring the family.
No third date!!!
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was one of the best orators in the history of the world and was one of the Top 10 Americans ever. Believe me, I'm not comparing myself to a legend like Dr. King, but I'm going to share my version of the "I Have A Dream" speech with all of you.
Before I start, let me give you some background.
I took time off from my corporate job for baby bonding with my 3-month old daughter. It's a lot of work being a stay at home parent, but it's so damn rewarding. My baby girl smiles at me nonstop these days and I know it's attributed to the one-on-one time I'm spending with her. It's a blast.
One morning last week, my MDW (Mommy Doin' Work) was running late for work and was worried that she wouldn't be able to get DDW1′s (Daughter Doin' Work) hair done before I had to take her to school. I told her that she could leave and I'd handle it. She countered by saying that doing her hair requires attention and the baby would get upset if I left her alone while I played the role of stylist. Again, I told her that I'd handle it. On the way out she said, "I'll believe it when I see it."
That's when I put DDW2 in the Ergo, stood DDW1 on a stool and worked my hair magic. During the process, I thought, There's no way my wife will believe me if I don't take a picture of this. That's when I set my camera up, put it on a 10-second timer, and took the photo you're about to see. After 15 minutes of multitasking, the final result was a nice, tight ponytail for big sister and a happily sleeping baby in the carrier. Mission accomplished. I emailed the photo to her with the caption "Boom." and we both got a good laugh out of it.
Little did I know how interesting things were about to become.The calm before the Internet storm.
After eating some breakfast, I figured I'd post the picture on the DDW Facebook and Twitter feeds. Within hours, the picture went viral (well, at least "viral" for me). At last check, the photo was shared over 4,800 times, received over 3,000 comments, and was liked over 190,000 times. The photo was also "borrowed" by at least 13,164 Facebook pages before I could watermark it. (OK, maybe not 13,164 Facebook pages ... it was probably closer to 23,164 Facebook pages) That was a head-scratcher for me, because I never experienced something like this since I started blogging. The reactions, comments, and emails I received ranged from the overwhelmingly positive to the downright nasty. But as I went through everything, I had a chance to reflect on what I hope for the future. Let's do this.
I have a dream that insecure dads will spend less time hating on good dads and more time on getting their own shit together. I'd say 95 percent of the dads who follow me are actively involved in their kids' lives and view parenting as a 50/50 endeavor with their wives/girlfriends. They send me "Thank You" emails, they'll say it's refreshing to see a guy (me) who embraces fatherhood as much as they do, and they'll refer other good dads to my blog because they know I'll celebrate them. Words cannot express how much I appreciate those men because they will play a huge role in making fatherhood "cool" again. (Granted, I always thought fatherhood was cool, but that's another story).
On the flip side, there's a small pocket of men out there that can't stand me. Here's a sampling of some of the private messages and comments I received from them after I posted this picture:
- "He probably rented those kids. They don't even look like him."
- "I would bet anything that you're a deadbeat."
- "OK buddy, cute picture. Now why don't you hand the children back to their mom so you can go back to selling drugs or your bootleg rap CDs?"
- "So do you do this for all of your illegitimate kids?"
You get the idea.
As I've said in previous blog posts, I'm not immune to hate mail -- and some messages are racist in nature and some aren't. It comes with the territory of doing what I do and I completely understand that. However, do you know what's funny? Oftentimes when a dude posts a public hateful comment on my FB page or Twitter feed, it's followed up by his wife or girlfriend emailing me privately to apologize for his behavior. These women will tell me that their men are angry that I'm making them "look bad" because they aren't holding up their end of the bargain when it comes to parenting. Here's the thing: I don't make anyone look bad. These guys are doing a fine job on their own according to the women in their lives.
Memo to the small pocket of male haters I have: Why don't you put big boy shorts on and get in on the revolution of good fathers? It's not a good look to tear down dads for doing the work your wives wished you were man enough to do on your own. If you don't believe me, just ask your spouses. They'll tell you.
But don't worry. I'll still be here whenever you're ready to step your game up and join #TeamGrownAssMan.
Again, to the amazing fathers out there reading this (which happens to be the overwhelming majority) -- much love to you guys. I appreciate you. Your spouses appreciate you. And most importantly -- your kids appreciate you.
I have a dream that people will be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin. OK, so I had to paraphrase the great MLK on this one. Surprisingly (well, not surprisingly to me) in this instance, the majority of racist emails I received came from other black people. Again, here's a sampling:
- "This would be so much better if those kids were BLACK!"
- "Look at this Uncle Tom. No chance he would be doing this if his kids were black."
- "I'm sorry, but I can't support a brotha who didn't marry a black woman."
- "Your MOM is black and you dishonored her by marrying outside of your race? You probably can't handle a strong black woman."
***DDW steps away from his computer to check his calendar to ensure it's 2013 and not 1913***
Allow me a moment to address the small pocket of racists who share the same race as me.
Dr. King dedicated his life to ensuring people could live a life free of judgments based on skin color. He dedicated his life to ensuring future generations could marry anyone without dealing with persecution. But there are people "on his team" (yes, I know we're ALL on the same team, just roll with me on this, please) who are sabotaging his work. If the first thing you want to do is to criticize the skin color of my kids for not being as dark as mine, you have some serious issues.
Yes, I married a woman who is half-white and half-Japanese. Yes, the skin of my babies happens to be a few shades lighter than mine. Yes, my mom (a black woman born and raised in the deep south of Mississippi) loves my wife and kids because she's smart enough to know that love is colorblind. All of my black friends and family members feel the same way.
Grow up and stop being so f*cking ignorant. You're a damn embarrassment to Dr. King and his legacy.
To be clear, I'm not addressing all black folks here -- because the overwhelming majority of my black followers are kind, clear-thinking, and intelligent individuals.
It's just that the dumbest ones are usually the loudest ones.
I have a dream that people will view a man's love for fatherhood for what it is instead of thinking there's something "fishy" going on. A lot of people really dig the fact that I dig daddying (yes, I made it a verb) as much as I do. However, since I started my blog 17 months ago, I've come across some people who will look at me and think, There's no way this guy can be as passionate about fatherhood as he is. I bet he's using his kids in an attempt to become rich and famous. It's sad.
Think of the Mommy blogs you like to follow (some of which have a larger following than I have). If they share their love for motherhood, you probably wouldn't think twice about it because that's what moms are "supposed to do," right? But if a human being with a penis shares the same passion for being a parent, it somehow becomes strange and fishy? And that makes sense ... how, exactly?
I love being a dad and I love sharing my love of fatherhood with others. Shit, being a dad is one of the few things in life I'm actually good at. Of course I'm going to be passionate about this gig. My dream is that ALL people will embrace men who embrace fatherhood instead of wondering if they have ulterior motives. Remember, we're the good guys in this fight.
I have a dream that people will view a picture like this and not think it's such a big deal. Don't get me wrong here -- it's a very cute picture, and it's cool when people say so. However, I start to get a little uncomfortable when people want to start planning parade routes for me because of it. Somewhere there's a dad doing the exact same thing for his daughters. Somewhere there's a dad who put his foot down with his boss and refused to attend an "urgent staff meeting" so he could leave work early to attend his daughter's dance recital. Somewhere there's a single dad successfully getting his three sons ready for school. Somewhere there's a stay at home dad crushing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry for his family. Somewhere there's a dad who would rather play catch in the backyard with his son instead of killing pixelated terrorists on his XBox.
In other words, there are plenty of good, involved dads out there. Many of them are reading this post right now.
I've posted hundreds of pictures of my family since I started blogging and I had no idea that this one would cause such a seismic shift on the WWW. But what if I posted a picture of MDW doing what I did in that picture? Many would probably think it's cute, but after ten seconds of looking at it, they would probably move on to the next shiny object on their newsfeed. Why? Because it just wouldn't be a big deal to many people if a woman did it.
Until we can get to the point where men and women can complete the same parenting tasks and the reactions are the same, we will have problems. If you want to create a statue for me for taking care of my daughters, create one for the moms who are doing the same damn thing everyday for their kids without receiving a "Thank you" or an "Ooooh" or "Ahhhh."
These behaviors should be expected of moms and dads. No exceptions.
That ends my rant.
For many of you, this is the first blog post you've ever read from me. Just so you know, I'm usually the lighthearted guy online and I'm rarely this angry -- but today I had to regulate a bit.
In time you'll determine if you love me or hate me. If you love me, that's good news because I'm going to continue doing the stuff you love. If you hate me, that's bad news because I'm going to continue doing the stuff you hate. If you fall into the "hate" category, just send my blog to all of your enemies (that'll show 'em). For the rest of you, I'm so humbled and happy to be a guy you follow and enjoy as we embark on this crazy road of parenthood together.
On a side note, I wrote this entire post while my baby girl was sleeping on me in the Ergo. It's not a big deal. That's just what a Daddy Doin' Work is supposed to do.
This social site was literally conceptualized in one minute!
On July 1, 2011 it was about 85 degrees outside and I was roasting under the hair dryer at the salon, ahhhhh the price for beauty. You could say the dryer cooked up the idea :-) LOL!! :-( whahh...whahhhhh.
No....no really now, About a month ago I threw a birthday party for my son and one of the kids he invited from his class just happened to be bi-racial. At a later date I had a conversation with this little boys mom and she wanted to know why there were so many mixed couples and families at the party. She asked if it was some sort of club or group that she and her husband could join. I laughed OUT LOUD! and explained that there was no club or group, that the guests in question were all friends & family. She was surprised about that.
I really liked her and told her that our boys get along so well that she and her family can hang out with us anytime.
So while cooking under the dryer. VOILA!! the main dish was served and I call it Happily Mixed Up.com.
I'm hoping that within this community you will be able to make awesome new friends, share fantastic & meaningful stories, get helpful advice and much needed support.
Most important enjoy being HAPPILY MIXED UP!
Also been crazy helping the WIP Team get things going, we are constantly trying to come up with the best ways to help all the singles looking for love find one another! Just when we think it's time to go forward full force, something new & cool is presented and the direction changes aahhhhhhh - but its all good things comin:-)
Visit the Wip website and send them your preferences www.wipspeeddating .com
Trevor Noah - Fast Rising Biracial Comic
At just 28 years old, Noah is already a big name in his country's fledgling standup scene, as well as a cover star for Rolling Stone South Africa. But despite treating the audience as friends, he's not afraid of provocative subject matter, with his latest show called "The Racist."
The son of a black South African woman and a white Swiss man who met when interracial relationships were illegal in South Africa, Noah jokes that he was "born a crime." On stage, he draws upon his particular life experiences to tackle thorny issues with his funny, and sometimes trenchant, punchlines.
"My mom would be arrested, she would be fined and still she was like 'ooh, I don't care, I want a white man, ooh,'" he tells a laughing audience gathered in London's Soho Theater. "And my dad was also like, well, you know how the Swiss love chocolate."
Noah's mixed-race heritage defines his routine. Race and ethnicity are leading themes in his standup, echoing his life while growing up in a Soweto township during the apartheid years and being labeled mixed race.
"In the streets my father couldn't walk with us -- he would walk
on the other side of the road and wave at me -- like a creepy
pedophile," he tells the Soho Theater crowd. "And my mom could
walk with me but every time the police went by she would drop me
-- I felt like a bag of weed."
CLICK Link For Full Article http://www.cnn.com/2013/02/13/showbiz/trevor-no
(CNN) -- Facebook is relaxing its rules for teenagers. The 13- to 17-year-old set now has the option to share photos, updates and comments with the general public on Facebook. That means strangers, and companies collecting data for advertisers and marketing companies, will be able to see select posts. Teenagers will also be able to turn on the Follow feature for their profiles, which would allow anyone they're not friends with to see their public posts in the main news feed.
Go to link for rest of article http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/16/tech/social-media/facebook-teens-privacy/
Facebook Is Losing Teens, And New Privacy Settings Won't Bring Them Back
Forbes Contributor Kelly Clay
There’s no question that Facebook FB +3.85% is quickly losing teenage users to other social networks. In February, Facebook admitted in its annual 10-K report filed with the Securities and Exchange Commission that it was aware that younger users were less engaged with the social network than previously. Facebook stated:
“We believe that some of our users, particularly our younger users, are aware of and actively engaging with other products and services similar to, or as a substitute for, Facebook. For example, we believe that some of our users have reduced their engagement with Facebook in favor of increased engagement with other products and services such as Instagram. In the event that our users increasingly engage with other products and services, we may experience a decline in user engagement and our business could be harmed.”
Go to link for rest of articlte http://www.forbes.com/sites/kellyclay/2013/10/19/facebook-is-losing-teens-and-new-privacy-settings-wont-bring-them-back/
Dating is tricky -- even more
so when you don't follow the cookie-cutter mold of what a
relationship should look like. Less than 50 years ago,
interracial marriage was illegal in the United States and even
when the anti-miscegenation laws were deemed illegal by the
Supreme Court in 1967, interracial couples were harassed and
discriminated against for decades.
Now we live in a new, global era with more tolerance and understanding for couples that exist outside the "norms" for relationships... yet many interracial couples still attract stares. As the "white" half of a Japanese-American couple, I noticed some of the same questions keep popping up again and again.
After a quick chat with some other interracial couples, I realized my experiences were not unique. These are eight seemingly innocent questions that have deeper, darker implications for interracial couples.
1. How does your family
feel about your partner's race?
Do you want the long version or the short version? Race is surprisingly difficult to talk about -- you can't just ask an interracial couple about their family's reaction to the race of their partner and expect a single-sentence answer.
If you seriously want to know the struggles interracial couples go through, you can go ahead and ask this question. If you're simply asking for formality (or because it is the first thing you can think of), skip this question.
2. You're dating a
[insert race or ethnicity]? Aren't you worried about [insert
country/ethnic stereotype here]?
Here's the thing about stereotypes: they are usually offensive and misplaced. Not all African-American men end up in jail; not all Japanese men are emotionally unavailable; not all Mexican men cheat on their spouses; not all white women are loose; not all Arabic women are docile. The Internet is full of all sorts of untrue stereotypes that are passed off as "facts."
Don't ask me if my Japanese
fiancé is a work-a-holic with a small penis who loves to drink
sake, kill whales and pressure his wife (me) to do housework all
3. Wouldn't it be
easier to just date your own race?
I understand the intentions behind this question are pure, but it always comes off a bit racist. By only dating white men, I would be cutting out a whole group of viable dating candidates.
Answer: Dating (and deciding to marry) someone outside my culture was one of the best decisions I ever made.
4. But think of the
children! Aren't you worried they will be bullied?
In this day and age where divorce is becoming the norm, I'm more worried about making it to our 10-year anniversary than whether or not my possible future children will get bullied because of their mixed heritage.
Of course I'm worried about racism. I grew up all over the globe (Texas, Ghana, Japan) and saw racism in all sorts of forms. Sometimes I was the recipient; sometimes I was not.
Answer: I would rather my hypothetical children grow up as interesting, deep and charismatic bi-racial children in a loving home than to be just another statistic.
5. Do you only
date [insert ethnic group]?
There is no way to ask about someone's dating "fetishes" and not come off as rude. No, I do not have "Yellow fever" (inappropriate slang for someone who is only attracted to someone of an Asian diaspora), "Jungle fever" (likewise for dating people of an African diaspora) or any other fetishes you can think of. Furthermore, even if I did have a preference toward a specific race, I am free to love whomever I want..
Answer: I don't know. If a white man only dated white women, no one would look twice. If a white man only dates Asian women, though, everyone seems to assume he is a 'creep.' That's not fair.
[For more, see: Asian Male, White Female Couples: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly]
6. Can you help me find
a [insert race/ethnicity] boyfriend/girlfriend?
If I find someone of your preferred ethnicity and gender who wants to date your ethnicity and gender, I will let you know, but I'm not going to go digging through my fiancé's friends, trying to find someone who "wants to date a hot, white girl."
Answer: I can, but I would rather not.
7. Don't you get
frustrated not being able to express yourself in your own
We speak the language of love; we don't need fluency in English.
Of course couples with different mother tongues have communication problems -- but so does every other couple. In fact, interracial couples might be better off because when your partner was raised in a different country, you automatically assume they do things differently. Disagreements are natural, rather than the sign of an "unhealthy" relationship.
8. Do people stare at
you when you go on dates?
Of course people stare. By asking this question, you're acknowledging that interracial relationships are "outside the norm." If you have noticed this, other people have too and if they have noticed it, they have probably also stared (without meaning to).
That being said, I stare at couples all the time, regardless of their race. I am a sappy romantic who loves couple-watching. In the same way, I like to give others the benefit of the doubt. I can never tell if they are staring and thinking:
"Oh man, that guy is so hot. Too bad he's taken..."
"Woah. An interracial couple. How weird."
"Dang, I love her shoes!"
Questions that are OK to ask:
How did you two
People love to hear love stories, regardless of race.
What is your favorite
part of your partner's culture?
There is no judgment in this question, rather the person is genuinely curious to learn something about a foreign culture.
Do you speak [insert
Much like the other two questions, this is simple curiosity. I have met interracial couples who speak each other's languages fluently and couples who cannot speak a word of their partner's language. It varies depending on the language, culture and length of the relationship.
Post originated on huffingtonpost.com http://www.huffingtonpost.com/grace-buchele/8-questions-interracial-couples-are-tired-of-hearing_b_4415858.html
After displaying their family on national television for three successful seasons of their hit show Tia & Tamera, the famous twins confessed they often experience harsh racism.
While wiping her tears she said, "When my husband and I are so open...What we're showing is love...it's love...But people choose to look past love and spew hate. That's what hurts me because I've never experienced so much hate ever in my life. Ever."
She continued to reveal the cruel names that she is called.
"'White man's whore'...The new one was...'Back in the day you cost three hundred dollars, but now you're giving it to him for free.' Like, stuff that...me as a person couldn't even fathom. I can't even think of these words."
She went on to say that it's hard for her to see how people can say these things about inter-racial relationships because her own mother is African-American while her father is White.
"I'm a product of it...I grew up seeing a family. So it's very shocking to go through this. And this is the big one. They say 'Oh Tia is a true Black woman, because she married a Black man.' So, I'm less of a Black person because I married White?"
It seems like Housley might have been struggling to keep the criticism to herself. Her twin sister Tia Mowry-Hardict, who is married to actor Cory Hardict, seemed extremely shocked by what her sister had experienced. Hardict revealed that she experiences racist remarks herself.
"I get the opposite actually. I've had people say that, '[Tamera] has done it right by marrying a White man,' " she said.
Beyond all of the hateful and unthinkable words that get thrown at Mowry-Housley and her husband, she is still proud of her family.
She said, "I love my husband so much. I love our family. I love our dynamic. I'm proud to be in the relationship that I am because it's based no love. Pure love."Article originated from ENSTARZ.com by: Char Little